2016 kicked my ass and left me reeling. Left me wondering just how much of my sanity I left behind on the road, like breadcrumbs that will grow moldy under rain and sunshine. Irreclaimable pieces of the person I once was. Then again, I’m always thinking of the person I once was even though I know that with every moment a change is happening. Doesn’t mean I won’t resent the fact any less.
This year, I learned what real stress was. My nerves were put to the test and let me tell you, I survived but Life owned my ass. I started off the year miserable, stuck in a retail job with awesome benefits (come of, when isn’t framing a hundred-year-old victorian shawl not cool?), but managers strait out of the “shit management” catalogue. You know the kind of douches I’m talking about, the kind that claim to have your back but will chuck you under the line of traffic the moment they feel threatened. Cue begging the universe for a new job.
Who knew it would hear me. Got a new job, an office one with the full benefits package and even OT. Lots and lots of OT. Just recently we neared our end-of-the-year shutdown and I was pretty much working 10 hour days. But goddamn was I unprepared for the drama and bullshit that comes when people who hate each other and have worked with one another for far too long suddenly get the chance to bitch to management. In 2016, I learned that HR is actually an interesting field to go into, but holy frijoles Batman, no way am I trained enough to talk people off the proverbial ledge. (Once upon a time, I would have been the one to call them on their bullshit and tell them to jump. See if I cared.) I learned quickly that even though you can get enemies to work with one another, it didn’t mean that they wouldn’t sabotage one another on a different date.
But thank to this new job, I was finally able to get a new car. Only thing is, shorty after October I got rear-ended and my new car landed in a body shop for several weeks. (Wasn’t my fault, at least.)
Landed in a human body shop myself, a.k.a the ER myself for another reason. Got put on medication for a stress related illness and painkillers for a back injury that even now, as I write this, gives me hot throbbing pain in my lower back. You never realize how weak you are until you hurt your core and find yourself unable to do even the simplest things. Like sitting, or tying your shoelaces.
Worst of all, my family and I had to witness my father undergo weeks of treatment and physical therapy after breaking his left foot, and eventually needed having it amputated because of infection. In 2017, he will be mastering the trick of walking and balancing himself on a prosthetic limb.
I won’t lie, there were more than a few nights when I drank myself to sleep.
So, 2016, all I can say is fuck you very much. With your shitty life curveballs, shitty weather, shitty presidential election, and in general zero fucks given about human piece of mind and progress. I ask that now that you are gone, that you stay dead and keep from haunting me in 2017. And 2017, all I can do is beg that you don’t decide to bitchslap me in the face too. Otherwise, the rest of my sanity is as good as forfeit.
Happy fucking new year Medium. You were the light that kept me sane, and my go-to platform for when I needed a distraction.
*Photo by Ian Schneider, Unsplash.com